Best Party Ever


God: Satan?
Satan: ‘Sup?
G: So, I was wondering if you could do me a favor?
S: Umm…Do you think you’re in any position to ask me of anything?
G: Umm…Do you think you’re in any position to refuse?
S: (sighs)…What do you need…?
G: Well, I’m planning on throwing a party, a sort of 6 billionth anniversary party with all of my friends, and well…
S:  And well, what? You’d like me to come? You need me to bring something—some pita chips and hummus?
G: Actually…I was wondering if I could use your place.
S: Use my place? Your party? At my place? Dude…
G: Come on! Your place is so much cooler than mine! Plus, you’ve got way more space…
S: This is so not fair; I hope you know that right…
G: Of course it’s fair. I mean, it’s fair if I say it’s fair.
S: Oh, come down from that high horse, for once!
G: Hey now! Watch your tongue, let’s not rehash old battles…
S: You think you know EVERYTHING!
G: Well, I mean, it’s a lot deeper than “knowing” but I wouldn’t expect you to understand that.
S: Whatever. You think you can insult me and expect me to just open up my home to you and your loser friends?
G: Well…yes?
S: Ha! The gall! You’re simply unbelievable.
G: …
S: (sighs) What time are people coming over?
G: So, there’s another tidbit of info…
S: What now?
G: Well, can you like, be somewhere else during the party? My friends feel you’re kind of a killbuzz…
S: What?! ME?! What? And it’s not “killbuzz”, it’s “buzzkill”. There’s no such word as “killbuzz”.
G: Well, I’m fairly certain it’s a word now.
S: Puh.
G: In fact, it’s appearing on a piece of toast under a picture of my son…right…now.
S: Whatever.
G: That’s really gonna mess those people up!
S: You’re so manipulative.
G: Watch it…Envy’s a sin.
S: What’s the worst that could happen to me?
G: Don’t tempt me man.
S: Again, whatever.
G: So, yeah. Quick recap—party at your place, please don’t be there, and we’re starting instantaneously.
S: Go to hell.

-Springfield, IL

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