“Chick flicks” and “dick flicks”

No, this doesn’t have to do with porno (for once). This has to do with movies: regular movies from regular studios with actors that (mostly) keep their clothes on. I’ve saved you the trouble of trying to figure out what movies I’m talking about by creating two categories and given them catchy names to associate them with. I’m sure they’ve been used before, but never on the Internet, so i claim this as my discovery and plan on taking all the credit and royalties that may come with it.

“Chick” flicks and “dick” flicks are films- MOVIES- that appeal to the lowest common denominator of gender groups. So, a “chick” flick is a stereotypical plot line of a girl/woman on the path to true love and a “dick” flick is a stereotypical plot line of a boy/man on the path to defeating his mortal enemy. Those are the essential premises of these categories, and of course there are variations to these stories. 

For instance, a “chick” flick, the girl/woman might figure out that she doesn’t need a man to find true love- that she’s had it all along with her lifelong friends or a “dick” flick in which the boy/man hot on the trail of his mortal enemy finds out that his best friend is his mortal enemy. CONUNDRUM! (in fact- that sounds like a great title to a movie).

I’m starting to finally understand that a dichotomy exists. “Twilight: New Moon” opens tonight and I’m sure it will be the biggest movie of the year. At first, I was kind of sad. Not sad like a tsunami hitting Samoa in September, but sad like, they’re all out of chocolate donuts- it’s an affront to my American (read: masculine) sensibilities. I thought to myself, “The author wrote this book on a road trip between Boston and New York; they filmed and produced the movie over a weekend in a sound stage and everyone involved will be rich enough to buy their own mega church- it’s disgusting!” But the more I thought about it, they more I realized that I didn’t understand.

For example, I saw the movie “Iron Man” in theaters. It’s the story of a rich dude who decides to be a superhero by creating an iron suit with the military technology that he perfected. The story isn’t all that deep or meaningful but it has explosions, military technology, and Gwyneth Paltrow. And the excitement surrounding that movie and cool special effects didn’t change the world or even get people to consider the consequences of a military-industrial nation (such as this great and magnificent country)- it just encouraged me to go to Burger King more often. Is this a travesty, no, not really- it’s just the way things are. Should I be mad about Twilight New Moon being bigger than Jaws, no, because vampire teeth are cooler than shark teeth…and, it’s what women want.

It’s not a competition between “dick flicks” and “chick flicks” (although, if someone was keeping track, I wouldn’t be surprised if “chick flicks” took the lead) because sometimes I just wanna hang out with the guys, have me time (video game time), or just sleep. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to spend time with my wonderful girlfriend; it’s just a matter of balancing one’s life. I’m sure she’d say the same thing, even though after a prompt to do so, she just laughed at me.

“Chick flicks” and “dick flicks” are two very important poles on the continuum of film;  I venture to say that the films that fall somewhere in the middle usually win Oscars because they get both men and women to the theaters willingly. I am NOT going to see Twilight: New Moon even if it was showing free at my house with complimentary Sprite and popcorn; I am that opposed. But that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate that millions upon millions of girls (and boys) are lining in front of movies houses as you read this (unless your reading this way after the fact) ready to fork over $10 to see some anorexic girl throw her life away to an unfeeling, pale-skinned, bloodsucking demon because he has prominent cheek bones. Damn. I don’t know. Hey, at least it’s good for the recession. 

—-

In other movie-related news:  

Movie popcorn is bad for you. Another blow against unknowingly-shaving-years-off-of-your-life-by-living-the American-way: http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/chi-thu-restaurant-show-nov19,0,7307087.story 

Will Ferrell is the most overpaid actor in Hollywood, according to Forbes which is also a film industry publication (it is not): http://www.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUSTRE5AH5WM20091118?feedType=nl&feedName=usmorningdigest 

-Springfield, IL

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